6 Marital Musts

Today is my wedding anniversary.  My wife and I have been married for 14 years today.  We dated for 6 years so in a sense we are celebrating 20 years together as a couple. My wife is beautiful, brilliant, kind, merciful, fun-loving, effervescent, servant-oriented and she loves Jesus. Although not a comprehensive list, below are 6 marital musts:

1. Love loudly. Early in our relationship we learned that we do not speak love in the same manner. I am a Words of Affirmation person and she is a Quality Time person.  I would always tell her positive things and she would always want to hang around. When we learned that we were each attempting to express love we swapped communicative roles. The best way for me to express love to my wife is not gifts or words, but with my time. Luke 6:45 (NAS) The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.

 2. Serve rightly. Typically we have been a relatively healthy couple. There are times that a flu or cold get to us and we have to give life a timeout. My typical posture is to smother her with attention, soup, check ins, etc. I do this because this is what I like when I am sick. I need a lot of attention to get to feeling better.  8)  My wife on the other hand, does not. She likes to be left alone. I do not understand but I have learned to go with it to serve her better.

3. Celebrate often. We laugh.  We laugh a lot. We enjoy life. We tend to celebrate every moment.  If it is a big occasion or not ... we will make it a big occasion.  Life passes so quickly that we intentionally stop our family to enjoy the little moments. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (ESV) Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

4. Pray always. The best thing that I do for my wife is to pray for her. Here is the trick: I have to know how to pray.  Praying for her demands that I study her, listen to her and try to understand her. I pray for her everyday. We pray very often together as a family. Prayer is important and vital for any relationship. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (ESV) Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

5. Counsel regularly. My wife is a professional counselor and I am a pastor.  We counsel people from the moment we get up to the moment we lie down.  Counseling people is our calling in life and our joy. How do we do counseling for us? One way is that I meet a lot of people. When I meet that couple that has been married 50+ years, I have trained myself to stop and ask questions. Sometimes it throws them off because they may have just heard me preach a passionate sermon, but my heart is to be their student. I always ask them to tell me things that they should have known, things they wished they had known or the top three things that have helped them through life. Proverbs 19: 20 (ESV) Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.

6. Forgive sooner. Although there are many more, I will end on this one. This is the tough one. The sooner forgiveness occurs the sooner healing happens. To hold on to a wrong has a flair of gratification but it is like holding the knife that is still stuck in you. Ridding yourself of the knife/pain and helping them do the same is key.  We do not fight often because we laugh a lot, but there are disagreements. We are both very passionate (one reason why I fell in love with her) and that passion can get crossed. We have developed systems, boundaries and communication tools for such moments so that we can remedy quickly and move on. Ephesians 4:31-32 (NAS) Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

david evans is the Evangelism Team Leader for the Tennessee Baptist Mission Board.   Feel free to contact david via e-mail devans@tnbaptist.org.  In the meantime, check out “The Reaching App” by searching in your app store or visiting www.TheReachingApp.com.